- Physical gratification (to engage in fair, skilful exchange and extended pleasure)
- Physical intimacy (before/during/after)
- Respect for women - there is a basic level of respect in terms of consent but there is another level which is one’s attitude towards women and how evolved or warped one’s understanding of the male-female dynamic is, how one’s concept of the feminine is represented, and how it resonates with those of my own.
- An understanding that this is not about scoring, gameplay, and chalking of experience with a particular subset of people which I can be categorised into.
- To have your body appreciated and be seen as beautiful and the flaws it carries as a mark of your journey as a person, with no shame or judgment.
- Positive regard towards each other, and for the other to be appreciative that I have chosen to share my body with him/her in that moment.
What I envision as a deep spiritual and sexual connection:
- Exploration of all your undisclosed desires, kinks and fantasies in a safe space, with the language, connection, openness and trust established to unpack it later.
- To love passionately, fearlessly and shamelessly.
- To spend your life in sacred union with a man who treasures the depth of connection to be had and is committed to honouring and deepening the sacredness of this experience by sharing his life with you (and only you).
- That you become enough woman for this man, and this man becomes enough man for you.
- To explore all that is man and woman in me, and all that is man and woman in the other.
- To see the woman in the man, and the man in the woman.
- To see yourself in this person, and to see that person in you.
- To grow together individually, and also as one.
- To explore all there is to explore and deepen all there is to deepen.
- To love a soul in all its light and shadow.
- To love a body into death and decay.
- To create a safe space where sexual healing can happen - where untold fears and old traumas can be opened, journeyed through and made new meaning with in the arms of a supportive lover.
- To hold unconditional space for all the other person is, and support them towards realising their highest dreams and living out the most fulfilling life they can live.
- To look into the eyes of someone who means the world to you, and know you mean the world to them, as your bodies lock as one in wild and tender passion.
- To know that no one else can do.
How might a commitment-free sexual exchange value-add to my lived experience?
- Building experience and skill with different individuals.
- Openness to the lessons or gifts others have to give in exchange.
How might a commitment-free sexual exchange detract from my lived experience?
- Sharing your energies and loving someone takes time and effort, and when not careful, this energy can be misplaced, or become displaced.
- It can lead to a habit of attachment or detachment. Sex ultimately is about building an intimate connection and it makes no sense to do it in a detached manner, or share that space with just anyone.
- One remembers all the lovers they have loved in the past, and the space for sexual memories need to be protected so only those with purity of intent and the highest love towards you should be allowed to enter your sacred space and leave their imprint.
